Hi Lia, I think your article thoughtfully explores estrangement as a cultural phenomenon, and its alignment with broader movements challenging traditional hierarchies and advocating for personal empowerment is compelling. The framing of estrangement as a form of liberation and self-preservation reflects key tenets of what could be called "Estrangement Ideology," where autonomy, emotional safety and the deconstruction of hierarchical family dynamics are prioritized. My concern would be that that this ideological shift may carry unintended downsides, as normalizing estrangement risks oversimplifying complex relationships, sidelining reconciliation, and deepening societal polarization. Are we just to ditch relationships just because we cannot navigate differing opinions? While the movement may be seen to empower individuals, it also raises important questions about its long-term impact on family cohesion, intergenerational support and the consequences for the wider community.
People chose estrangement because, after many attempts to reconcile, fix, apologize, mend, and do whatever may be necessary to heal a broken relationship, they realize that nothing will change. Estrangement is not a first resort; it’s the last conclusion people come to when all other options have been exhausted. The so-called “family cohesion” was broken a long time ago when the family gangs up on one of its own members and continues to regardless of right or wrong. Estrangement empowers people and gives them their lives back; they realize how the problem is not with them, but how the family struggles to see and or treat them as equals.
The ideology at issue here is an ideology of family wherein human rights end at the threshold of the home, an ideology that glorifies and normalizes a family hierarchy where the most powerful member(s) are free to act with impunity toward less powerful members, and even to enlist -- or coerce -- other family members to participate in the cruelty or neglect.
I definitely disagree and have documented in detail how this ideology works. No question there are power dynamics at work, but the estrangement movement definitely has an ideology characterised by tenets, goals and methods. Check out my Substack https://thestyxian.substack.com/ and perhaps take a look at this article for a wider agenda and context https://brownstone.org/articles/an-ideology-and-agenda-of-estrangement/
No my premise is based on the demonstrable fact that there are defined online communities that support and amplify this practice as a normalised way of dealing with family disagreements and conflicts. That these communities have an identifiable set of basic principles and language adopted from therapeutic models that act to pathologise and vilify parental actions. These perspectives on family are entirely one-sided, lacking alternative explanations and context of complex family dynamics, which might otherwise be amenable to other solutions.
I pulled the trigger during COVID as millions died from misinformation and their own critical thinking failures.
Oooh, I pulled one trigger during Covid, but it came to a head after George Floyd’s murder.
Thank you for bringing up Covid. It really was the first time a lot of us saw people we thought we knew behaving like strangers.
I will reread this, but I think a list of communities is a fantastic idea.
I would be happy to collaborate on one!
So would I. Direct message @ you.
Hi Lia, I think your article thoughtfully explores estrangement as a cultural phenomenon, and its alignment with broader movements challenging traditional hierarchies and advocating for personal empowerment is compelling. The framing of estrangement as a form of liberation and self-preservation reflects key tenets of what could be called "Estrangement Ideology," where autonomy, emotional safety and the deconstruction of hierarchical family dynamics are prioritized. My concern would be that that this ideological shift may carry unintended downsides, as normalizing estrangement risks oversimplifying complex relationships, sidelining reconciliation, and deepening societal polarization. Are we just to ditch relationships just because we cannot navigate differing opinions? While the movement may be seen to empower individuals, it also raises important questions about its long-term impact on family cohesion, intergenerational support and the consequences for the wider community.
People chose estrangement because, after many attempts to reconcile, fix, apologize, mend, and do whatever may be necessary to heal a broken relationship, they realize that nothing will change. Estrangement is not a first resort; it’s the last conclusion people come to when all other options have been exhausted. The so-called “family cohesion” was broken a long time ago when the family gangs up on one of its own members and continues to regardless of right or wrong. Estrangement empowers people and gives them their lives back; they realize how the problem is not with them, but how the family struggles to see and or treat them as equals.
I suppose families-of-origin should shape up and stop treating children as property then, so that doesn’t happen!
There is no "estrangement ideology."
The ideology at issue here is an ideology of family wherein human rights end at the threshold of the home, an ideology that glorifies and normalizes a family hierarchy where the most powerful member(s) are free to act with impunity toward less powerful members, and even to enlist -- or coerce -- other family members to participate in the cruelty or neglect.
I definitely disagree and have documented in detail how this ideology works. No question there are power dynamics at work, but the estrangement movement definitely has an ideology characterised by tenets, goals and methods. Check out my Substack https://thestyxian.substack.com/ and perhaps take a look at this article for a wider agenda and context https://brownstone.org/articles/an-ideology-and-agenda-of-estrangement/
Your entire argument rests on a core premise that simply walking away is not acceptable.
Simply walking away requires no terminology, no methods, and certainly no adherence to Marxist philosophy.
But people have no obligation to tradition in the first place.
No my premise is based on the demonstrable fact that there are defined online communities that support and amplify this practice as a normalised way of dealing with family disagreements and conflicts. That these communities have an identifiable set of basic principles and language adopted from therapeutic models that act to pathologise and vilify parental actions. These perspectives on family are entirely one-sided, lacking alternative explanations and context of complex family dynamics, which might otherwise be amenable to other solutions.
Are you estranged from your parents? If that is not your lived experience, I’m not interested in your opinion.
Exactly. If you haven’t lived through it, you can’t base any theories on what you’re observing in groups.
Very interesting piece.
Thank you!